Look Back, Come Back to Me
by VictorianBubble
Summary: What if Margaret Hale did look back at Mr Thornton as she was about to leave Milton forever? The stories continues after Margaret visits the Thornton's to say goodbye and to give Mr Thornton her father's book. Book and series based.
1. Chapter 1: Father's Plato

_Look Back At Me _

Part I

"_I've brought you father's Plato.. I thought that you might like it."_ When she finally looked up he was at a loss. The protective distance he had kept and that had resounded through his voice when he had spoken first, was gone. He took the book and smiled to himself as it brought back good memories of his deceased friend.

"_I shall treasure it._" Mr Thornton's voice was low but kind, _"As I will you father's memory.. he was a good friend to me."_ There was a moment of silence. Mr Thornton thought about saying goodbye and walking away, showing her that he did _not_ care for her any longer, but he could not. Margaret Hale was leaving; she was saying goodbye to Milton, to her friends, to his mother and sister, and to him. He had not been able to convince her to love him and he would not be able to convince her to stay. In a moment of recklessness, in this situation that seemed hopeless to him, he asked her the same question again, this time with a desperate attempt to control himself.

"_So you are going"_, the words now seemed to reach her, as they had not done so before. She looked up at him with sad eyes, but she did not move, _"..and never come back."_. These last words slipped past his mouth before he realised he had said them and what was left of his strong façade now shattered before his eyes.

"_I wish you well Mr Thornton."_. Margaret spoke, her kind voice communication all the tenderness she felt for him. She smiled in an attempt to end their acquaintance in the best way she could master. Mr Thornton looked at her abruptly and his jaw tightened. He turned around and walked away without saying another word.

_He will never think well of me again_, Margaret thought as she saw Mr Thornton leave the room and close the door behind him. She heard her aunt and Mrs Thornton speak about her, but she was too numbed to pay any close attention. She stared at the door a while longer before her aunt took her by the arm and looked at her pityingly.

"_Come Margaret, we must leave now."_ Aunt Shaw squeezed her arm a little as Mrs Thornton lead them out of the house, followed by Ms Thornton. Mrs Thornton opened the big front door and a gust of cold wind and snow forced itself into the hallway. The coach that was to take Margaret and her aunt to the station was already waiting outside. Mrs Thornton murmured a soft 'farewell' to Mrs Shaw and Margaret and gave them a little nod. Fanny Thornton opened her mouth to make another comment about Miss Hale visiting her home to see her furnishings, but Mrs Thornton's stern brow kept her silent and Ms Thornton too gave the ladies a little nod. Aunt Shaw thanked the Thorntons and escorted the still numbed Margaret to the coach. Like an obedient child Margaret stepped into the carriage and seated herself silently opposite to her aunt. Her eyes were looking somewhere in front of her without seeing and she heard the coachman shut the coach door. Mrs Thornton and Ms Thornton had left the doorway and Mrs Thornton was about to close the door when she saw her son standing in the hallway. She saw the suffering and despair in his face and to help him say his final goodbye, she left the door open and went with Fanny Thornton back into the house. Mr Thornton saw Miss Hale step into the coach while he stood on the steps before his house. The skirt of her black dress disappeared inside the black coach and the scene before Mr Thornton's eyes was grim as the black of the coach seemed to cast a disapproving shadow on the snowy surroundings. The coach started moving and Mr Thornton felt his resolve of indifference break yet again. His willpower was entreating her to stay, to stop to coach and return to him.

"_Look back.. look back at me"_, he whispered demandingly as his last steady breath seemed to leave his body. His feet were heavy and it was as if he was nailed to ground, his eyes locked onto the coach. Suddenly he saw movement behind the small back window frame of the coach and he recognised Margaret's eyes looking back at him.

"_Margaret"_, he whispered her name as he took a step as if to run after her, but stopping as abruptly as he had begun moving.

With the first movement of the coach, Margaret had been rushed back to the present as if she had been awakened from a foggy dream. The sudden realisation that she was actually leaving Mallborough Mills and all the she held dear inside hit her like a sting in her heart. Margaret began moving nervously and her breathing became faster. She put her hands to her sides on the seat to steady herself, her nails digging into the bench. Then, without thinking, she looked around through the window behind her and she saw Mr Thornton standing outside. As they looked at each other, Margaret saw Mr Thornton's lips move as he took a step forward. She recognised her name on his lips and it caused her to panic.

"_Stop.."_, Margaret whispered softly to herself. _"What is it, my dear?"_, Aunt Shaw's voice made her turn around and with her eyes still darting from one place to another Margaret repeated herself louder.

"_Stop the coach."_ Without waiting for it to actually do so, she opened the coach door and began to move towards the opening. Aunt Shaw grabbed her by the arm, _"Stop the coach!"_, she yelled in fear. The coachman pulled the reins and the coach came to an abrupt stop. _"Margaret, whatever is the matter?!"_, aunt Shaw exclaimed. Margaret shook off her aunt's grip and stepped outside. She looked around and saw Mr Thornton still standing exactly where she had known him to be, looking at her in utter bewilderment.

Her sudden reaction had left her confused herself and now that she was actually standing outside the coach, Margaret felt lost. _What was she supposed to do now? What was she thinking?!_ Mr Thornton did not move, he just looked at her with disbelief.

Aunt Shaw stepped outside and looked at Margaret with fear, _"Are you not well, my dear? What is the matter?"_, the obvious concern seeping through her voice. Margaret saw Mrs Thornton appear behind her son and walking towards her with a strange look on her face.

"_What has happened, Miss Hale?"_, Mrs Thornton's authoritative voice resounded through Margaret's head. Margaret felt dizzy and a feeling of insecurity and regret crept up on her.

"_I do not feel so well.."_, she managed to give as a reply to the inquiring, puzzled looks of Mrs Shaw and Mrs Thornton. Mrs Thornton felt the snow fall on her bare hands and the cold wind blew against her petticoats. _"We must get her inside"_, Mrs Thornton said with resignation as she herself and Mrs Shaw both held onto Margaret to steady her steps while they walked back into the house.


	2. Chapter 2: Distress

_Look Back At Me_

Part II

"_We must get her inside"_, Mrs Thornton said with resignation as she herself and Mrs Shaw both held onto Margaret to steady her steps while they walked back into the house.

Margaret was led past Mr Thornton and she could not help but look up at him hesitantly. She saw a strange flicker in his eyes as his hands became fists. Margaret felt ashamed of her sudden behaviour and quickly looked down. Back in sombre drawing room, Mrs Thornton seated Margaret on a settee and let go of her trembling arm. Fanny Thornton came rushing back into the room after hearing the commotion and gasped loudly.

"_Whatever has happened to Miss Hale?"_, Fanny Thornton, obviously excited by this peculiar turn of events, held her hands dramatically in front of her chest.

"_Go tell one of the servants to get a doctor"_, Mrs Thornton commanded of Fanny, who was in no rush to leave the scene. Mrs Thornton looked at her daughter demandingly and Fanny Thornton reluctantly left to do as she was bid. At that moment Mr Thornton walked into the drawing room. Mrs Thornton saw his eyes find Miss Hale and not leaving her, but he did not moved past the doorway.

"_I do not need a doctor, thank you. I will be fine soon enough.."_, Margaret's voice was fragile and died away in the heavy silence that hung in the room. She kept her eyes on her hands in her lap, but she had noticed from the corner of her eye that Mr Thornton had entered and never stopped watching her. Aunt Shaw was sitting next to her and still looked at her inquiringly.

"_You feel unwell. How long has this been going on?"_, Aunt Shaw took one of Margaret's hands in her own and caressed it gently. She then turned her address to Mrs Thornton, "_I wonder if she is fit to travel to London today.. She has suffered a lot.."_ The last comment came out like an apology. Mrs Thornton looked at Margaret, she could see that the woman was in distress for her eyes were large and fearful, but besides this, Mrs Thornton could see no reason for delaying the journey. She was glad to see Miss Hale leave Milton; Mrs Thornton knew that Miss Hale would take John's immediate affection with her if she left. John would still suffer, for the blow this woman had struck in his heart was not one that could easily be eradicated, but it would mean that her proximity could hurt him no more.

"_I would not know_", Mrs Thornton spoke in earnest, as she could feel no compassion for feeble women who let themselves be ruled by their emotions, "_Miss Hale will have to decide for herself."_

Fanny Thornton came back into the room, _"The doctor will be here shortly. How is Miss Hale?"_, there was no attempt at trying to conceal her lingering excitement. Mrs Shaw was about to open her mouth when Margaret squeezed her hand and answered herself.

Margaret's head was spinning, her thoughts were like mad dogs; scarring her and making her doubt every excuse she made for her own behaviour. Margaret could feel Mr Thornton's eyes burn on her face, but she dared not look at him. _Why had he said her name? Why had it caused such distress in her? Why had she stopped the coach?_ The questions terrorised her and what frightened her more was that she knew the answer to some. _She had done it all because she loved him_. The panic she had felt when seeing Mr Thornton standing outside and whispering her name had made her forget all decency as she thought she saw in him something she had hardly dared hope was there. _But surely, he disliked her. He had made that very clear_. Margaret could feel the tears, that would not come when her father had left her alone in the world, prickle her eyes. She wanted to look up at Mr Thornton and say "It was my brother. My brother! Do you understand now?!", but she did not. It would make no sense and Mr Thornton might think she was paranoid. It was hopeless. All she wanted to do was go home to Harley Street, sit beside a fire and be swallowed up by the ground.

"_I will be fine. Could we go back to my house and postpone our travel for one more day? I just need some rest.", _Margaret's voice was so pleading, her aunt could only comply. Aunt Shaw stood up and held Margaret close to her as they began to make their way towards the door again.

"_But the doctor will be here soon!"_, Fanny Thornton exclaimed, not wanting this new exciting event to end so soon. Mrs Thornton followed Mrs Shaw and Miss Hale, "_I am sure Miss Hale knows what's best for her"_, she said in a tone that indicated there was to be no further argument on the subject. Fanny Thornton dropped herself on the settee Miss Hale was seated on before and let out a annoyed sign.

Mr Thornton had stood silent all the while in the doorway and did not seem to stir even now as Mrs Shaw and Miss Hale were moving towards him. He had tried to wrap his head around what had happened. Miss Hale had looked back at him when his willpower had called out to her and the sudden elation of it had made him react before he could control himself. Miss Hale had not only stopped the coach after seeing him, but she had also stepped out to face him. _Why? Why had she done so?_ The moment Margaret Hale had opened the coach door and turned to look at him, all he wanted to do was rush towards her and hold her close. He had suppressed the urge to do so with a tenacious force. When she was escorted back into his house, Mr Thornton had to clench his fists in restraint for all he had wanted was to hold her tight until she told him why she had acted this way. He had to gather himself, rally all the self-control that was left in him, before he could follow the women back into the house. When he saw Margaret on the settee; the anxiety plain on her face, her shoulder trembling and leaning forward, he had wanted to comfort her and tell her that whatever was troubling her would pass. _The grief must finally have struck her fully. _It was the only explanation that made somewhat sense to Mr Thornton. _But if he could only talk to her. _His mother and Mrs Shaw were like hawks circling around Miss Hale, not leaving her side in her present state. And then Miss Hale had spoken. She had said she needed rest and that she wished to return to her old home until tomorrow. And now Miss Hale was leaving again. Mr Thornton turned to her abruptly as she walked passed him with her aunt still holding onto her tightly.

"_Miss Hale.."_, his voice was hoarse. "_Yes?"_, Margaret had answered him so readily and fast that he had no time to think of what it was that he wanted to say. She now looked at him, waiting for him to say something that might undo the uncomfortable rift that had worked its way in between them. Mr Thornton could not say the words he wanted to.

"_Let me know if there is anything you need."_, Mr Thornton cursed himself for speaking, his words sounding constrained.

"_Thank you."_, Margaret Hale's voice was empty. Without looking back she left the house and its inhabitants.

That evening Mrs Thornton was sitting opposite of her son, looking at him every so often and then looking back at her needlework. After Miss Hale had gone, John had done nothing but sit in the armchair in stare blankly in front of him. His head was slightly tilted and a frown had formed itself on his brow. Mrs Thornton could almost hear his thinking while he shook his head slowly now and then. She had decided that speaking would be no good, for he would surely talk of Miss Hale, and Mrs Thornton did not wish to.

All of a sudden Mr Thornton straightened his back and got up from the chair as if he had finally made up his mind. He walked towards the door and lingered with his hand on the handle.

"_Where are you going?"_, Mrs Thornton asked, glad to see that her son was no longer depressingly pondering. Mr Thornton's back was towards his mother and when he spoke, he did not turn around to face her.

"_I am going to see Miss Hale."_, Mr Thornton closed the door behind him and left his mother aghast before she could disapprove openly.


	3. Chapter 3: A Visit

_Look Back At Me_

Part III

"_I am going to see Miss Hale."_, Mr Thornton closed the door behind him and left his mother aghast before she could disapprove openly.

It was already dark, but John Thornton did not seem to notice. He knew the way to the Hales' house with his eyes closed; so many times had he walked there in anticipation of seeing his friend, Mr Hale, and his daughter. _His intelligent, strong-willed, beautiful daughter_. Mr Thornton's thoughts weighed heavily on him and it made his pace, which was sure and determined before, hesitant. He haltingly walked on: the only thing keeping him in motion was the thought of Margaret Hale. He saw her distressed face, her big eyes and the shape of her black dress every time he closed his eyes. When she had left he had sunk deep in his thoughts, pondering over the reasons behind her behaviour and the look she had given him. Mr Thornton had never been more miserable in his life.

When Miss Hale had declined his proposal of marriage, he felt more wretched than ever before. But, in some miraculous way, Mr Thornton had learnt to accept his situation, and even though he wanted to be angry with Miss Hale, to forget her, he could not do so. If anything, he had learnt to find joy in the those few moments he could admire her from a distance, secretly bestowing all his love and affection on her. Now that Miss Hale was leaving for London, Mr Thornton's way of preserving his shattered heart would be fruitless. He had felt it in his entire body and he knew that this was so much the worse.

Mr Thornton stopped before the house. He looked up at the dark, wooden door and fear and hesitation were about the win from his determination. He quickly lifted his hand and knocked on the door. It was like defying himself, as if he was forcing himself to not give in to the fears.

Dixon opened the door, her stout body blocking any way in the moment she saw Mr Thornton standing before her. She looked at the man with suspicion, imagining he had come to be victorious over Miss Hale's hardship. Dixon did not like Milton and she certainly did not like its proud, relentless master.

"_Yes?"_, Dixon raised her left eyebrow.

Mr Thornton felt his courage fail him and for a moment he just stood silent, his fists pushing against his sides. He cleared his throat.

"_I came to inquire after Miss Hale."_, Mr Thornton made himself look Dixon in the eyes to appear confident. The nurse kept looking at him for a moment, but then with a loud sign she moved aside. Mr Thornton stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He took of his hat, coat and gloves and laid them on a small side table. The hallway was empty, there was no evidence to be found in paintings or ornaments that this was once a loving home. Dixon opened the door to the small drawing room and walked in with Mr Thornton following her closely.

"_Mr Thornton is here for you, Miss."_, the nurse's voice was inhospitable. Margaret was sitting in her father's chair looking at the burning fire with her head resting against the back of the chair. There was a glow on her face from the warmth of the fire and her cheeks were a soft pink. Her eyes were red from crying and her hands rested on her lap as if she had been crying so much fatigue had taken over and she had just remained positioned the same ever since. Upon hearing Mr Thornton's name she suddenly looked up and stared at the visitor as if he was a ghost.

"_Mr Thornton.. what are you doing here?"_, Margaret stood up, holding on to the chair because she felt weak. Her voice was soft, but Mr Thornton could clearly hear the confusion his appearance brought about. Mr Thornton took a step forward so that he would pass Dixon.

"_I came to see if you were alright, Miss Hale"_, he had to stop himself from moving even closer and taking her hand, which still clung to the chair, in his own.

"_Oh.."_, Margaret's lips moved without almost making a sound. She had been alone since dinner, her aunt going to bed early. Mrs Shaw had protested at first, for she did not want to leave Margaret alone, but Margaret had convinced her that Dixon would look after her. Milton air did not agree with Mrs Shaw and its bleak and industrial appearance had made her weary. She had gone up to rest, intending to check up on Margaret later, but sleep had been too much wanted. After that, Dixon had been sitting with Margaret in the drawing room tending to some needle work, while Margaret sat in silence and stared absently into the fire. Margaret had not noticed the knock on the door, nor had she noticed Dixon leaving her to open the door. When Mr Thornton was suddenly there standing before her, Margaret was in shock. In her mind he had come after her and smiled at her and kissed her softly while comforting her, _but that was only in her mind_. Now he was here and Margaret's feeling of panic returned. She had to keep him here, if only for a little while longer.

"_Dixon, would you get us some tea, please?"_, she smiled falteringly at her nurse, who signed heavily again before leaving the room. "_Oh, that is, if you would like tea.. Mr Thornton"_, she shyly looked at Mr Thornton, very aware of them now being alone. Mr Thornton nodded and seated himself on the chair in front of him after Miss Hale had carefully gestured at it.

Margaret returned to her own chair, only now sitting with her face towards Mr Thornton and her back held unnaturally straight. They both sat silent, the uneasiness cutting in their hearts. Mr Thornton looked at Miss Hale, who had her eyes cast down. _How beautiful she is_. Mr Thornton wanted to say something to make her feel more at ease, but he could not find the words to express himself.

"_I must apologise for causing so much trouble this afternoon, I do not know what came over me"_, Miss Hale still looked down, her voice giving more away than she wanted.

"_Are you better now?"_, Mr Thornton felt relieved when she had spoken. He saw the sadness written all over her face and it made him want to comfort her. He folded his hands to suppress the urge to stand up and move closer to her. _She would not appreciate it, you will not make her more distressed_.

"_I will be better soon enough"_, Margaret now looked up, seeing that Mr Thornton piercing gaze was on her and she quickly looked down again. Margaret tried to smile to add credibility to her own words, but she could not convince herself. Again there was an uncomfortable silence. Mr Thornton looked about to room to see if there was anything he could comment on, but all personal belonging had been removed here too. Miss Hale looked like a misplaced doll, her black-laced dress forming a stark contrast with the empty, stripped walls and floor.

Dixon re-entered the room with a tray and placed it on the table beside Miss Hale. Margaret thanked her quietly and looked at her patiently. Dixon began to walk towards the door again, but she swiftly turned around.

"_Is there anything else, Miss?"_, Dixon ignored the man in the room and looked at Miss Hale like a mother alerting her child.

"_No, thank you Dixon."_, Margaret was relieved that Dixon had appeared to break the silence, but now she wanted her to leave for Dixon's expressions showed she was not pleased with Mr Thornton being there. The nurse sniffed noisily and left the room, leaving them alone again.


	4. Chapter 4: The Truth

_Look Back At Me_

Part IV

"_No, thank you Dixon."_, Margaret was relieved that Dixon had appeared to break the silence, but now she wanted her to leave for Dixon's expressions showed she was not pleased with Mr Thornton being there. The nurse sniffed noisily and left the room, leaving them alone again.

Margaret looked at the delicate porcelain cups and took a deep breath. She had to pour Mr Thornton tea without her trembling hands giving her away and so with angst she stood up. The teacup clattered in her hand, but she continued while her breathing became faster. She managed to pour the tea without spilling and after putting the teapot down, she took the teacup in both hands. Margaret moved towards Mr Thornton and without meeting his gaze, she handed him the teacup. She continued to pour a cup for herself and then sat down again.

Mr Thornton had noticed how her hands trembled and he was all too aware that Miss Hale was avoiding looking at him. It felt like a million small knives were cutting in his chest: she was so close and they were alone, but there was nothing he could do.

"_ You will be glad to go to back to London then?"_, the words came out of his mouth before he realised he had said them. It was a trail of thoughts that had found its way out and sounded more like a statement than a question. "_I mean, you will be home again, Miss Hale"_, Mr Thornton tried to correct himself, but the words he spoke did not agree with what he wanted to say. He scorned himself for his lack of character.

"_I doubt I will feel at home, but I will be amongst close family and friends."_, Margaret spoke the truth. She felt at home in Milton, it had grown on her and she had learned to appreciate and respect her new home for all its inhabitants and industrial involvement. Margaret felt as though she had grown older, more mature, and the beautiful Helstone and busy London belonged to her childhood past, while Milton suited her more experienced, understanding self.

As Mr Thornton tried to make sense of her words, a silence hang heavily in the room. Miss Hale looked at him for a moment and saw his puzzled face. She had been wanting to tell Mr Thornton for a long time now that the man he saw her with on the station was her brother, but after she had so firmly lied to him, when he knew she did, she had never had to courage to bring it up again. Even now, Margaret felt her heart race and panic welling up in her, but she knew that if she did not speak now, Mr Thornton would always think badly of her.

"_Mr Thornton.. I have been wanting to explain myself before, but I.. I never felt confident enough to do so.. after the way I behaved. I..."_, her voice died out and she nervously began turning the fabric of her dress in her hands while looking at the ground.

Mr Thornton did not understand what she was talking about and he did not wish to speak, out of fear that he might say the wrong thing. It might silence her and he so wanted her to speak. Miss Hale kept opening her mouth to say something and then shutting it again. Her eyes now began to dart around the room, still avoiding Mr Thornton.

"_I have a brother.."_, she began, her voice becoming bolder in the realisation that she would finally be able to speak of that which had been plaguing her for so long. "_We had to keep his existence a secret because he got caught in some terrible business when he was in the navy."_ Miss Hale looked at Mr Thornton for a moment, as if to check if he was still listening. Mr Thornton never looked away. His eyes stared at her so directly at made her nervous again.

"_We did not want to put you in a difficult position, by involving you in the matter, as you are a magistrate.."_, the fabric in her lap began to crease under her stiffening fingers. Mr Thornton became quiet and after waiting a few moment for her to speak again and seeing that she did not intended to do so, he did.

"_I do not understand"_, his voice was hoarse and he put the teacup he had been holding on the table in front of him.

"_He was here while my mother was ill. He was the man you saw me with.. that night.."_, the last words gave her much pain to pronounce. They made her feel ashamed and her shoulders began to droop.

The words hit Mr Thornton like a thunderstorm. _Her brother. It was her brother!_ A modest smile played on Mr Thornton's lips as he could not hide the great happiness that was overpowering him. He saw Miss Hale become more grave and it brought him back to his hopeless reality. He constrained himself and cleared his throat. Miss Hale became more distressed, but he dared not speak without revealing his new found joy.

Margaret felt relieved she had told Mr Thornton the truth, even though it might not bring about any changes, she now knew that she had defended herself against gossip. Mr Thornton would know her real character. But immediately after she had spoken, another topic of distress presented itself to her. She needed to speak of her opinion of Mr Thornton: how it had changed and how highly she thought of him now. _How she loved him now_. And so, just before it became too much for Margaret to bear, she spoke again.

"_I apologise even though I do not deserve forgiveness. You are a good.. a good and honest man, Mr Thornton, and I cannot bare to see you think so ill of me.."_, Margaret suddenly stood up and walked to the fireplace.

"_I have treated you badly.. I have misjudged you.. I.."_, Miss Hale looked at the fire intensely as if she was searching for words in the flames. She signed softly, letting out all her shame. She needed to see his face, to see that he had forgiven her and so she turned around.

When Miss Hale had stood up, Mr Thornton had done the same, as if she had made him do so unconsciously. He had walked towards her and when she had suddenly turned around, his tall figure was so close to her he could see her chest rising and falling, rapidly going faster. Mr Thornton had heard her talk and as if a spark had been lit inside him, he thought he had suddenly seen that her distress, her trembling and her faltering had not been caused by grief, but by something he had believed could never be there. Made bolder by the small signs of hope he thought he saw in Miss Hale's words and actions, Mr Thornton came closer.

"_Miss Hale, forgive me if I misunderstand you.. but_..", he wanted her to look up at him, but she kept her eyes locked on his chest. He could see her eyes grow bigger while she stood before him like she was frozen.

_ "I have not changed, Miss Hale. I have come to realise that when I spoke to you about my feelings before, I spoke too rashly as a result of my strong passion and I apologise for that.. But I.. I cannot and will not apologise for what I feel.. for what I still feel."_, it was Mr Thornton's last plea, his last call to reach Miss Hale's heart and when he was done speaking, he could feel the energy that had made him so brave, leave him. Miss Hale did not move, but her eyes dropped to the floor.

"_I do not wish to leave, at all.."_. Mr Thornton heart began to beat faster, making him dizzy. _She does not wish to leave? Can it be? _ He wanted to reach out to her and touch her, but he did not dare to. If he misunderstood her and behaved to rashly again, he would never forgive himself. She was too precious to him and he did not wish to make her more uncomfortable than she already was. He could not see her face fully, but there was still clear distress showing itself.

"_Miss Hale?"_, Mr Thornton spoke hesitantly, "_Would you wish to stay?"_, he paused for a moment, "_Would you wish to stay with me?"_. He had said what had been on his mind ever since Miss Hale had given him her father's book, and it sounded like the secret wish it was. All the hope, fear and wonder that came together in the words resounded through the room. If she were to reject him a second time he would be distraught. His mind was filled with doubts, all telling him to leave before she could hurt him even more, but his feet did not listen. He was fighting against himself and it made him exhausted.

Miss Hale looked at her hands while she folded them in front of her stomach, "_I would.."_.


	5. Chapter 5: Resolution

_Look Back At Me_

Part V

Miss Hale looked at her hands while she folded them in front of her stomach, "_I would.."_.

"_Take care, Miss Hale"_, Mr Thornton felt his fingers tingle for wanting to touch her. He felt like he needed to warn her: the passion he had kept hidden inside him had been controlled by an unforgiving force, and once it was freed it would not so easily be tamed again. _"I believed myself to know your feelings before, and I was bitterly mistaken.."_, the words came out like a whisper. There was a storm raging in Mr Thornton and the memory of his precipitous proposal tortured him still.

Miss Hale had not looked at Mr Thornton out of fear of what she might see when she did. She believed any man would be happy with the departure of a woman who had rejected him so cruelly and who had lied to him, even when it concerned her own virtue. But Mr Thornton was still in the room with her and he had made no attempt at leaving. She had heard him speak and it was like the heavy bolted door she had been pushing against with all her might had suddenly opened. The fear Margaret felt began to be replaced by hope that had worked itself in through every crack in her self-preservation.

Mr Thornton had to understand her correctly and fully this time. To show his true feelings to her, only to have them thrown back in his face with cold indifference would be the undoing of him. He could not take such a bitter disappointment a second time. Miss Hale had confirmed some hope he had, but he needed more. By God, he was going to find out what was on this woman's mind, even if her reticence meant it would take all his patience. He began his appeal precociously: if there was even the smallest chance she would be his, he would not scare her away.

"_Let there be no misunderstanding__ now."_ Mr Thornton spoke in a calm tone of command. He took a step back, even though the distance he was creating made him regret it the moment he moved. He took in Miss Hale's entire figure, and seeing how she still stared straight ahead with big eyes, he waited for her response.

"_I am constantly plagued with the thought of leaving and.. what is more, my usual bravery is failing me miserably.."_, her words came rushing out, as if they would disappear if she had not said them. She had looked up, but she was still too nervous to look long enough at Mr Thornton to see how his lips were forming a smile. She waited for a moment to see if Mr Thornton would respond, but he remained silent. With a deep sigh she continued, _"I was very stubborn and ignorant.. but I am no fool." _Miss Hale put her arms around herself, as if she sought her own comfort. "_Mrs Thornton.. thinks me a silly young woman with too much pride to see what she has lost.."_, there was harsh regret in every word she spoke, "_But I am all too aware of what I have lost, as it was all my own doing."_ After she was done speaking, Margaret looked up at Mr Thornton urging him to understand she meant him.

There was a silence. Mr Thornton had been looking at Miss Hale with admiration, taking in all her words and movements with tender longing. He noticed how his silence began to make her hesitant again. He thought for a moment about his next words, but there was too much he wanted to say and so he cleared his throat in an attempt to make a beginning.

"_Miss Hale, I have to ask you.. I _am_ a fool, I have not learned from my sorrow.."_, Mr Thornton could not help but see his own weakness. _How easily he was persuaded by her._ But there was no going back now, he would ask her the question even if he was still unsure of the answer. Mr Thornton was only sure of one thing: she had given him more time and if he did not act now, it would certainly be too late.

"_Miss Hale, is there a chance.. could you.. would you marry me?"._ Mr Thornton tried to speak with calmness, but his lungs were on fire and the words were like flames burning his mouth.

_"Yes", _Margaret's breath escaped her and left her dizzy for a moment. There was no hesitation in her answer now. "_Yes"_, her voice was louder and she looked at Mr Thornton with a shy smile.

"_Yes?"_, Mr Thornton looked at her in disbelief. For a moment he stood completely still, never taking his eyes of her. Then, he walked slowly towards her and took her right hand in his own. The sensation of her small hand made him feel contented for the first time in a long while. Mr Thornton revelled silently. Miss Hale's eyes darted from Mr Thornton's face to the ground, her natural timidity mixing with her new found courage. For a moment they stood so close together, Margaret could feel Mr Thornton breath on her skin. She let out a short exuberant noise: all the anxiety that was inside her was suddenly released.

Mr Thornton wanted to pull Miss Hale in closer, and hold her tight, but the fear that his passion might crush her was still too big. She knew his character, she knew that he was a man of strong feelings, but he would give her time to adjust to this other side of him. _She had accepted him_. And for now that would be enough.

There was a knock on the parlour door. Mr Thornton let go of Miss Hale's hand, doing so before he actually wanted to. Dixon opened the door, her face showing that she was not oblivious to what had happened on the other side of it. Miss Hale knew that it was of course suspicious that a gentleman had come to see her in the evening, alone, and Dixon had most certainly been listening. But Miss Hale would not be ashamed of her conduct now.

"_Yes, Dixon?"_, she spoke with a kind voice, looking at the nurse patiently. Dixon looked from her Mistress to Mr Thornton and back to Miss Hale. "_I was wondering if there was anything you needed, Miss"_, her tone clearly voicing the impropriety of the circumstances. Miss Hale straightened her back, "_No, thank you Dixon"_, her voice still as kind. The nurse seemed reluctant to leave, but after a few moments of wavering she left the room, closing the door behind her with a loud bang.

Both Miss Hale and Mr Thornton were unsure of what to do next. Their intimacy had been suddenly been interrupted and their inexperience with such situations left them both a little flustered.

"_I think I should go home, Miss Hale.. it is rather late"_, Mr Thornton spoke first. Dixon had awakened him from his dream-like state and his presence at the Hale's house would not have gone unnoticed in the neighbourhood. It would be better if he went home and returned the next morning. _He did not wish to leave her ever again_,_ but he would not let Miss Hale become the subject of gossip_.

"_Oh.. I guess you must"_, Margaret could not hide how it made her slightly upset. She decided, however, she would not be offended by it and looked at Mr Thornton smiling, while she walked him to the hallway. His hat, coat and gloves where still on the small table. There was only one light to illuminate the hall and it left it rather dark. Miss Hale handed Mr Thornton his hat and gloves after her had put on his coat.

"_May I come again tomorrow?"_, Mr Thornton spoke as if he had suddenly remembered he could.

"_Yes, Mr Thornton"_, Margaret felt her heart began to beat more quickly at the thought of another visit.

Mr Thornton looked down and fumbled with the gloves and hat in his hands, "_Would you call me John?"_, his voice a little hoarse. Miss Hale looked at him a little surprised and then nodded happily. Mr Thornton looked as if he remembered something else, but was not quite sure whether he should share his thoughts. His fingers stiffened and he looked at Miss Hale. Then, he moved closer and lingered with his gaze on hers, close enough to smell the sweet fragrance of her perfume. He could hear Miss Hale breathing heavily, bewildered by his bold movement.

_How he wanted to kiss her_. Mr Thornton needed to know what it was like and his previous caution was still warning him: but his determination to find out had grown too audacious. Ever so softly he put his lips on hers. His right hand found her side and rested there. His entire body felt as if it was going to burst and at the same time he felt secure and more at ease than ever before.

Miss Hale had felt unsure of what to do, but soon, as if it was the most natural thing, she closed her eyes and enjoyed. She felt the warmth of Mr Thornton's hand through her bodice and corset.

Then Mr Thornton pulled back, knowing that if he had kissed her longer he might have grown too bold. It had been a soft, short kiss, but it had been more than he had ever dreamt would become reality. For a moment he rested his forehead against Miss Hale's. He smiled, "_Goodnight, Margaret."_.

Margaret let out a satisfied sigh, "_Goodnight, John."_. Mr Thornton let go of her side and found her hand. He squeezed it softly and looked at his fiancé on last time before leaving. _His fiancé. She loved him. She would be his. _

Margaret closed the front door and turned around to see Dixon standing on the other side of the hallway. Dixon looked as if she was about to burst out and scold Margaret for improper behaviour, but Margaret did not gave her time to do so. She quickly wished her nurse goodnight and went to bed. _Explaining would have to wait till tomorrow. _


	6. Chapter 6: Aunt Shaw

_Look Back At Me_

Part VI

_Explaining would have to wait till tomorrow._

Margaret lay down on her bed. She stared at the ceiling, seeing the shadows the candle on her nightstand created dance across the room. Every now and then the candle began to flicker violently, but she was too much in thought to notice. Until this evening Margaret had gone to bed every night dreaming of her parents. Their familiar faces were there when she closed her eyes and it had been both a joy and an evil to dream. Sleep had become a place where she could be with them again, but it was also the place where she was reminded most of their absence, for she knew even in dreaming that they were figments of her imagination. Since her father's death, Margaret had awoken more tired than rested and it had left her exhausted and numb. But now, after today, she knew she would find some peace in sleeping and that the face she would see when she closed her eyes would still be there in the morning. That night, Margaret fell asleep with her candle still burning, never noticing how it was fighting for its life hour after hour. In her dreams she saw her parents, but she was not alone when they disappeared into thin air: there was a tall, dark figure standing next to her. _Mr Thornton. John._

Miss Hale awoke the next morning to the sound of Dixon walking around in her room. "_You have slept well I think, Miss"_, Dixon noticed Margaret sitting up. The stout nurse looked towards the window, where the curtains were keeping out the grey sunlight that reflected on the snow.

"_It is light? What time is it, Dixon?"_, Margaret rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She could not remember the last time she had awakened after the sun had come up.

"_'Tis after 9, Miss_. _Your aunt is already up, she thought it best to let you rest."_, Dixon lingered a little before she lay down the clean washing linen on the end of the bed. She opened her mouth to say something else, but she kept it in. Margaret could see in Dixon's expression that there were many questions on the tip of her tongue trying to force their way out, but Dixon was a sensible woman sometimes.

"_I will tell her you are awake, Miss"_, Dixon said no more and walked away. Margaret's lungs filled themselves with glee when the memory of the previous evening returned to her. Her breath became rapid and irregular, however, at the thought of her aunt downstairs. "_Oh dear.."_, Margaret signed as she stood up.

Aunt Shaw was sitting in the parlour, as it was the only room that was still somewhat furnished. After Mr Hale died, Mrs Shaw believed it best for her niece to move to London as quickly as possible. To make it easier on Margaret, she had auctioned most of the furniture and belongings of the Hales and left only the drawing room somewhat furnished in case they were to receive. Mrs Shaw was sipping her tea while looking out of the window. It had not stopped snowing and she began to fear that a journey by train had to be delayed, yet again. When Margaret came through the door, she looked up and greeted her.

"_Good morning, Aunt"_, Margaret seated herself close to the fire, in the same chair she had been seated the evening before.

"_Have you slept well, my dear?"_, Aunt Shaw saw Margaret's face had a healthier colour and she hoped her niece felt well enough to travel. Mrs Shaw had slept all through the night without interruption and it did not agree much with her conscience. Milton was a filthy and gloomy town, how could one sleep in such a place: surely, it was best that they leave as soon as possible.

"_I have slept well, I feel much better."_, Margaret tried to keep her calm, but she was trying to think of ways of telling her aunt of her engagement without sounding like a lunatic. "_I am glad to hear it. Do you think you could manage the journey to London today?"_, Aunt Shaw's eagerness radiated through her smile.

Margaret began to fumble with her dress, "_Actually.. I would rather stay here in Milton.."_, her voice died away at her last words. Aunt Shaw looked at her astonished, "_What? Why would you wish to stay here?"_. The disgust that the word _here_ caused Mrs Shaw to feel, resounded through her voice. Margaret took a deep breath and braced herself.

"_Mr Thornton came to visit yesterday evening.."_, before she could finish her sentence, Aunt Shaw had interrupted her. "_Mr Thornton?! What could he possibly want?"_. Margaret took a moment to think about her answer, she would have to be cautious.

"_Mr Thornton came to inquire after my health."_, she spoke slowly, making sure her words were heard clearly.

There was a short silence. "_I see. And what does this have to do with you wanting to stay in Milton?"_, Aunt Shaw's tone had grown cold. There was no vehement astonishment anymore, her voice showed only deep dismay. Mrs Shaw was not a foolish woman, though she could be prey to silly frenzies at times, but conclusions were formed rapidly on this occasion. She guessed at Margaret's reasons and she did not like it.

Margaret made herself look her aunt in the eyes, she straightened her back and spoke calmly. "_He and I are engaged. I wish to stay here in Milton to marry him."_. She waited for her aunt to burst out and reprimand her for her hasty decisions, but there was only heavy silence. Margaret thought of what she could say to make the situation more bearable, but her arguments would only seem empty to her aunt. _How could she understand? How could anyone understand?_ Only Margaret herself and Mr Thornton were aware of all that had passed between them and their contradictory past had become a well-guarded secret.

Mrs Shaw let out a annoyed sigh. She folded her hands in her lap, but did not move from her chair, taking on a very unnatural straight position.

"_I cannot demand that you end this engagement, for I am not your parent, nor are you too young to make your own decisions. But I can, as your closest family, advise you on the matter and I find it my duty to tell you I do not agree with your choice of husband or permanent place of settlement."_ Aunt Shaw's tone was ruthless. Her gaze was direct and it affected Margaret more than she wished.

Margaret felt moderately relieved however: she could not battle silence, but against words she could defend herself. "_What makes you think so, Aunt?"_, Margaret did not intend to give up on her new prospect of marriage, but she did not wish to turn anyone against her either.

"_Milton is an industrial town, it is a place for labourers and merchants perhaps, but not for fine ladies."_, Aunt Shaw sniffed, "_Mr Thornton is a factory master.. he does not belong to decent society. He may be famous for his success in business, but there is nothing more to recommend such a man."_, there was nothing forgiving in Mrs Shaw's words.

They wounded Margaret, but she realised that Aunt Shaw's opinion did not differ from her own of Milton and its master when she first came here. She wished she could blame Aunt Shaw for being bias, but her own nature taught her differently. It had taken more than one relentless trial in her, up till then, uncomplicated life, for Margaret's eyes to be opened to the truth and she could not expect Aunt Shaw to experience the same in mere minutes. She could only be true to herself. _And John_.

"_You are wrong. Milton is the home of genuine people, who deserve respect for their hard work and endurance. I admire them greatly."_, Margaret took a deep breath, "_Mr Thornton is an exceptional man. He is honest and intelligent, and he wishes to better himself and those around him through his knowledge and experience. He may seem unrefined and impassive, but I assure he is not, and I would not wish him any other way."_

Mrs Shaw looked intensely at her niece for a few moments, as if to discover if she was truly speaking in earnest. She could not detect any sign of jest in Margaret, who looked remarkably empowered by her own words. Margaret's head was held proud, her eyes showing quiet triumph.

"_You will not give him up?"_, Aunt Shaw had seen that her niece was not to be persuaded. She could have tried more fiercely to change Margaret's opinion, but that would be fruitless and could result in dispute and estrangement. That did not mean she was in agreement with Margaret and Aunt Shaw intended to voice her opinion even in the future.

"_No, I will not."_, Margaret spoke clearly. _They could not understand, but they did not need to_. She did not need to explain herself. Margaret knew that her heart was honest and that she would not come to regret her decision, even when many people would try to make her feel that way in the time to come.

"_Well"_, Aunt Shaw signed, surrendering. "_I guess we have to change our plans then."_, there was no happiness in Mrs Shaw's expression, but it had lost its harshness.

There was a knock on the front door, and Dixon could be heard walking in the hallway. A few moment later, Dixon appeared in the drawing room.

"_Mr Thornton for you, Miss"_.


	7. Chapter 7: A Storm

_Look Back At Me_

Part VII

"_Mr Thornton for you, Miss"_.

Dixon moved aside to make room for John Thornton's tall figure. Mr Thornton had left his coat in the hallway, but he was still nervously holding on to his hat.

"_Mrs Shaw"_, he nodded in the aunt's direction to acknowledge her presence, "_Miss Hale.."_, these words came out softer as he looked Margaret straight in her eyes. Mr Thornton was glad to see Miss Hale, but her actual presence reminded him of the conversations he had with his mother yesterday evening and this morning.

When John Thornton walked home the evening before the cold had not bothered him, he felt animated by the sudden changes in his life. He had gone to visit Miss Hale, led on by irresistible impulses, but his mind had never stopped contradicted him until the moment Miss Hale had accepted his proposal. Even afterwards he was still wondering whether his profound desire for it to be true was not playing tricks on him.

When he came to Malborough Mills, Mr Thornton saw that there was still light burning in some of the rooms of his home. He had no doubt his mother was waiting for him and it made him uneasy. He knew his mother had the persuasive ability to turn his euphoria into something dark and twisted, no matter how strong his resistance. It made him want to avoid his mother and he was not a man who could be easily scared or who would refrain from facing a difficult situation.

He walked into the parlour and saw his mother sitting in the settee, her gaze directed at the window. The moment she realised he had entered, her eyes shot towards her son. She looked at him inquiring and there was a hint of desperation in her face. Mrs Thornton waited for her son to explain himself, but he seemed hesitant.

"_And? How is Miss Hale?"_, Mrs Thornton looked at the window again, faking indifference. John Thornton noticed how her hands were folded on her lap, the knuckles white from constant tension.

"_She is better"_, Mr Thornton walked towards a chair, but he did not sit down. Instead, he stood next to his mother, pondering over how to explain his situation. His left hand moved up to be placed upon her shoulder, but it was withdrawn and fell like a lifeless limp to the side of his body.

"_I asked Miss Hale to become my wife and she has accepted."_ It was out. Mr Thornton had almost spit out the words and it could have left a bad taste, but he would not allow it. He would not allow his estimation of Miss Hale to be changed because his mother could not feel kindly towards her. He scolded himself inwardly: his mother had not said much, but he knew her to well not be affected by her.

Mrs Thornton stared blankly at her son. For seconds she looked at him so sharply, he almost wanted take her shoulder and shake her back into rationality. At last, she looked away, turning her gaze back to the window. The grave lines that always marked her face were suddenly intensified_**. **_

Mr Thornton felt helpless. His mother had purposely shut him out and the pillar he leaned on for constant support in his life had been demolished before his eyes. _What could he do?_ Mr Thornton closed his eyes and felt his optimism disappear in the ground beneath his feet.

"_Goodnight, mother.."_, Mr Thornton placed a kiss on the unmoved forehead of his mother. She did not respond: she was like a marble statue, her gaze ever fixed on the window. Mr Thornton sighed and left for bed.

He hardly slept that night, seeing Margaret's inviting smile when he dreamt, disrupted by feverish visions of his mother's apprehensive face. When he went down for breakfast, his mother was already up. There was no sign of distress showing in her expression, it seemed as if she was not at all disturbed by her son's engagement. John Thornton knew this was only a façade: a raging storm was about to hit the quiet harbour. He excused himself for not having breakfast with her, saying he had urgent business at the mill.

"_I will visit Miss Hale afterwards"_, Mr Thornton spoke in a tone that expressed it was not open for discussion.

Mrs Thornton sipped at her tea. "_John?"_, she did not look up from her newspaper, "_Would you ask Miss Hale to come and see me, I need to speak with her."_

John Thornton was taken aback by his mother's comment. _Calculating woman!_ She knew he could not be persuaded to break of his engagement, so instead she would direct her indignation at Miss Hale. The storm would be calm for moment longer, but it would soon rage against Margaret. No matter how he wanted to protect her from his mother's bulwark, Mrs Thornton would not rest until she had tested Miss Hale's character in every possible way. _Margaret was strong_. She had held her ground before, she would not be scared to do so again. But the fear that Miss Hale might not be able to win from his mother's perseverance had planted its seeds in his mind and they were making him miserable anew.

"_Mr Thornton?"_, Mrs Shaw's voice brought him back to the Hale's drawing room. Mr Thornton had seated himself opposite of Mrs Shaw, further away from Margaret than he wished. But he did not wish to be seen by the aunt as too eager around her beautiful niece. Miss Hale sat patiently by the fire, the black colour of her dress contrasting with her pale skin. There was a lasting look of sorrow in her eyes and fatigue was obviously still plaguing her, but there was also a fresh, soft blush on her cheeks. Mr Thornton returned his attention to Mrs Shaw with difficulty.

"_Mr Thornton, my niece has just informed me that you two are to be married"_, Mrs Shaw spoke in a domineering way.

Mr Thornton would not be overruled, "_Yes, that is true."_ He noticed Mrs Shaw sniff and then correct herself as if it had not happened.

"_I am not sufficiently acquainted with you, Mr Thornton, to properly understand your motives, but my niece has assured me you have good intentions."_, Mrs Shaw continued to sound somewhat uncertain.

It was not the remark Mr Thornton had expected from Mrs Shaw, "_I am glad to hear it"_, and for a moment he looked appreciatively at Miss Hale.

"_Do you believe you have the means to give my niece a comfortable and good life?"_, Mrs Shaw started her inquiry.

"_Yes, I believe I have"_, Mr Thornton looked at Mrs Shaw without fear, "_I certainly intend to make Miss Hale happy._" He looked at Margaret to make sure she realised he had not forgotten she was present. Something Mrs Shaw did not bother herself with.

"_Where will you live once you are married?"_, Mrs Shaw did not pay much attention to his previous answer.

"_At Marlborough Mills. Miss Hale will live with me in our house." _Mr Thornton remained certain of himself. He moved further back into his chair, giving his figure a taller appearance.

"_You intend to live at the factory? Amidst your workers? Surely that is no place for a lady.."_, Mrs Shaw spoke more to herself than to Mr Thornton, but he heard her, however.

"_I am not ashamed of my home or of how I earn my living."_, his jaw tightened, "_My mother has lived there for many years and she is a woman I respect greatly. She has never told me of her discontent with the place."_ Mrs Shaw may not have intended to insult Mr Thornton, but it had nevertheless changed his mood. He had intended to bide his time, but Mrs Shaw's comment had injured his pride and he would defend himself.

"_I would gladly live at Marlborough Mills"_, Margaret's voice was like the sun that melted Mr Thornton's icy temperament. He looked at her and saw she gave him an encouraging smile with a hint of disobedience. _She would not listen to her aunt. She might be strong enough to face his mother after all._

"_Mr Thornton, you do understand that since my niece is in mourning, a wedding cannot take place until she is at least in half-mourning. Margaret can stay with me in London for the next half year, until further arrangements can be made."_ Aunt Shaw looked quite pleased with herself.

"_Surely not!"_, Margaret exclaimed. She had given voice to the words that were about to escape Mr Thornton, and his expression became ominous. Miss Hale's hands had turned into fists in her lap.

Mrs Shaw was forced to acknowledge her niece. She moved around somewhat in her chair and faced Miss Hale.

"_My dear.."_, Aunt Shaw spoke in a patronising tone, "_We may lessen it, at the least, to three months considering the circumstances, but surely you understand it must be that way."_


	8. Chapter 8: Intentions

_Look Back at Me_

Part VIII

"_My dear.."_, Aunt Shaw spoke in a patronising tone, "_We may lessen it, at the least, to three months considering the circumstances, but surely you understand it must be that way."_

Margaret felt perturbed, "_I understand we cannot be married immediately, but I had hoped it would happen sooner than three months.."_. She looked in alarm at Mr Thornton, suddenly wondering whether she had not spoken to boldly. They had not spoken about their plans, they had not even mentioned the future last evening and Margaret felt uncomfortable being forced to talk about it without knowing Mr Thornton's opinion. Aunt Shaw was about to protest, when Mr Thornton did speak his mind.

"_May I speak with Miss Hale.. alone.. for a moment?"_, his voice was steady, but his eyes would not reveal the great desire of having Miss Hale to himself. He was still cautious.

Aunt Shaw was bewildered for a moment as she stared in silence at Mr Thornton. His request was both sudden and bold. It was unusual for such a young couple to be unchaperoned so soon after the engagement. But, thought Aunt Shaw to herself as if she needed convincing, they were inside the house with her and surely no harm could be done. "_I will leave you for a moment"_. She stood up and walked away. Aunt Shaw was hesitant at the door, but she decided for the better that she could trust her niece and after giving her a kind smile, she left the room. When the door closed, Margaret felt nervous. She was not yet used to this new relationship with Mr Thornton, no matter how she had dreamt of it before. Her wish that it might be true made her very comfortable with the idea, but the reality of it left her jubilant and unnerved at the same time. Mr Thornton's resolute character made her feel even more inapt, as he showed no signs of being uneasy himself.

"_Miss Hale.. Margaret.."_, Mr Thornton smiled as her name passed his lips. She looked at him with big eyes as he said her first name, as if it had sparked something in her. "_Are you well?"_, he looked at her fondly from across the room. The distance he had purposely created now seemed like a hindrance. Mr Thornton had come to the conclusion that there were many things they needed to discuss between the two of them before anybody else could interfere. He needed to be alone with her, but there were so many things he wished to say that only the simplest question had managed to leave his mouth.

The ordinariness of the question confused Margaret, it was not what she had expected. "_I am well, thank you.."_, she forced herself to be calm, "_How are you today, Mr Th.."_. Margaret stopped herself before she had spoken his name; it had been a companion to her in many silent hours and she had not dared to even think his Christian name for it felt too intimate in the past. Even now, the thought of it made her blush, but it also hinted at a wonderful life to come. "_John"_, Margaret corrected herself, devotion gleaming in her eyes.

Mr Thornton breathed in deeply. _This woman could disarm him with a smile_ _and she had no idea of her power of him._ "_I am very well. I have many things to look forward to"_, he spoke honestly, though the memory of his mother made him restless. He had been contemplating how to tell Margaret of his mother's reaction to the news of their engagement since daybreak. He was still doubting whether to tell her about his mother's request, although it would be unfair not to and he knew Margaret would not shy away from Mrs Thornton. To put his mind somewhat at ease, he was determined to first settle the date of marriage with her. "_Margaret, when would you like to be married?_", his voice was soft.

Margaret felt a little helpless. She realised that such things would normally be decided on with parents. Their loss was weighing even more heavier on her now. All that she knew of weddings, she had learned from Edith and although it brought much joy to her cousin, she herself wished for a simpler one, without all the London extravagance. It had never really suited her, but Milton had taught her what it was she really wanted.

"_I do not know honestly, I had not thought about it."_, Margaret looked in Mr Thornton's direction; he was still sitting in the chair that seemed at the other side of the drawing room. "_We cannot marry right away.. but.. if you wish it too, we could marry in two months or so.."_, Margaret looked shyly at Mr Thornton. Although she had at first not wished to believe her aunt, Mrs Shaw had been right about her mourning. But Miss Hale would not be deterred from her marriage longer than necessary and thus she had decided two months would have to do, if Mr Thornton agreed.

_It was unbearable_. Mr Thornton stood up purposefully and walked towards the chair next to Miss Hale. He had tried to compose himself, but he had longed to be close to her since his entrance and so he sat himself down again. She looked at him a little surprised, but as if she understood him, her surprise was quickly replaced with ease. "_You wish to please you aunt?"_, he took her hand gently in his while he spoke, never taking his eyes of her fingers.

"_No.. no, I believe my aunt to be right, but I do think two months will do just as fine as three"_, Margaret's voice was a little shaky as Mr Thornton's touch made her tingle, "_Only if you agree that is.."_. Her voice died away when Mr Thornton's thumb gently started to caress her hand.

"_Then we shall marry in two months."_, Mr Thornton smiled for moment. "_Will you go with your aunt to London until then?"_, Mrs Shaw's comment had not gone unnoticed by him and his brow turned unwillingly into a frown.

Miss Hale saw his expression darken and it troubled her. She did not wish to go to London with her aunt, because she knew that aunt Shaw and Edith would try to make her change her mind about Mr Thornton, no matter how she protested. They might not try blatantly, but they would find a way. Margaret also knew, however, that if she would not go to London, her aunt and Edith would never agree on her choice of husband. If they had would have their chance at persuasion and Margaret could still not be convinced, the matter would be laid to rest, not before.

"_I will have to go to London for a while, because my aunt and my cousin will not be content until I do so. If I can convince them of my happiness, I am sure I can get their support, which may not seem much, but they are all the family I have here.."_.

"_I understand"_, Mr Thornton looked her in the eyes. _How he would miss her_. Mr Thornton did not wish her to go, because the fear that her family might persuade her without him near to support her was a constant worry. He would have to trust in her resolute and proud character. "_I do not wish you to go.."_.

Margaret wished to comfort him and so without hesitation she placed her hand on his cheek. She could feel the warmth of his skin and the stubbles prickle her palm. Mr Thornton looked at her amazed that she had dared to initiate such affection, but he was the last man that would ever object. "_It will not be for long"_, Margaret felt pleased when she saw Mr Thornton close his eyes while his frown disappeared.

Mr Thornton opened his eyes again a little later and sighed heavily. He would have to tell her about his mother soon, or his courage would leave him again. "_I spoke with my mother.."_, his voice had lost its enthusiasm.

"_What did she say?"_, Margaret's hand slipped from his face and she began to look worried. Her touch had left a mark and the bare place on Mr Thornton's cheek now felt cold without it.

"_She did not say much, but she wishes to speak with you, Margaret.."_, Mr Thornton was quiet for a moment to see if Miss Hale would react. When she did not, he spoke hastily. "_You do not have to go and speak with her if you do not want to. There is no need, you do not have to excuse yourself to her." _He softly squeezed her hand.

"_No, I will speak with her"_.


	9. Chapter 9: Friends

_Look Back At Me_

Part IX

"_No, I will speak with her"_.

Margaret stared blankly in front of her as she spoke. Then, as if she realised her own recklessness, she looked at Mr Thornton with large eyes. She straightened her back however, and determination replaced it.

Mr Thornton did not object: he knew well Miss Hale had a strong mind and it was set on facing his mother. He let go of her hand and sat back in his chair. The thought of Miss Hale and Mrs Thornton alone made him uneasy. Their pride would clash undoubtedly and misunderstanding could lead to bitter words he did not wish to harm either. But he would not stop Miss Hale: he respected Margaret too much to belittle her by doubting her vigour. He admired her strength.

Mr Thornton looked at her and the wonder of her inconceivable nearness struck him anew. She did not look away as he folded his hands and brought them to his face to hide a spirited smile. _How was this possible? How could she love him?_ Mr Thornton wondered how many times more in the future he would find himself surprised by her, never truly understanding his luck. "_Well then"_, he rested his arms on the arm rests, his head slightly tilted.

Margaret felt sombre, as the subject of their conversation was centred around the difficulties they must face. When she looked at Mr Thornton, she recognised a spirit in his expression she had longed thought stifled. Margaret could not help but smile back and her solemnity ebbed away.

"_You confound me, Miss Hale."_, Mr Thornton could smell her perfume as the hot air of the fire blew it his way.

"_What do you mean?"_, Margaret could not help noticing Mr Thornton's eyes taking in her entire figure. She felt conscious of herself as she had not done before.

The corners of his mouth lifted up, as if he was about to reveal a delicious secret. "_I awoke this morning believing myself in a dream."_. Mr Thornton turned serious, but his tone was genuine._ "You have me in your power. After our first meeting, you affected me more than I wished to admit. I praise myself to be a man of reason, but you brought out a passion I did not know existed and which has ferociously controlled my every decision since. You made the life I led seem meaningless. Then, with the smallest sigh of hope I lay my feeling frantically at your feet, only to find you resented me. After the rejection, I forced myself to be content with simply knowing there existed such passion as I felt for you. I forced myself to be cold and indifferent, believing that one day I would. But you possess me. I cannot remove you from this place in my chest you have forced your way into and I will never want to."_ Mr Thornton took her hand again. "_And yet.. here you are"_, he looked at her with tender fascination. "_Talking of marriage.. I believe I will soon wake, knowing that you left for London.. never looking back.."_, he signed, while he tried to hide the sudden sorrow he felt.

Margaret felt as if a fire had been lit inside her and every word that was spoken in his soft, deep voice made it rise up more until she could feel the warmth of it bursting out through her cheeks. She felt unworthy of his affection: Margaret thought once more about how steadfast Mr Thornton had been, when she had seemed but fickle. She could not think of words to repay him, so she took his hand in her own and brought it to her lips. Softly, she pressed a kiss on the rugged skin. _How big his hands looked compared to her own_.

Mr Thornton could feel her hot breath on his skin, and he was moved by the intimate gesture. He touched her face with his free hand, gently stroking back some small curls behind her ear. He moved in closer when they heard a knock on the parlour door.

The knock was followed by a short, superficial cough and Margaret realised it was her aunt. She had most likely been waiting outside for the perfect moment to come back in, and Mrs Shaw had chosen the moment when silence had betrayed obvious intimacy. The aunt re-entered the room and was quite shocked to find that Mr Thornton had changed places to sit very close to her niece.

Mr Thornton read Mrs Shaw expression and he stood up immediately. He had let go of Margaret the moment he had heard the knocking and both he and Margaret had changed position, slightly turning away from each other as if to conceal what had happened just a moment before.

"_It is time for me to go"_, Mr Thornton gave Mrs Shaw a little nod and he gave Margaret a loving smile, before he walked towards the door. He had moved so fast, that Mrs Shaw was still standing still with an astounded expression, staring after Mr Thornton.

"_John!"_, Margaret's voice made him turn around swiftly while he was already in the door opening. "_Please tell your mother I will come and see her tomorrow around noon."_, Margaret looked persistent, her hands folded in her pretty lap.

"_I will_", Mr Thornton looked at his fiancé on last time and quitted the room. When he was outside in the cold, his brow turned into a frown. _Noon it is_.

That evening, just after dinner, there was another knock heard at the Hales' door. Margaret and Aunt Shaw had settled themselves close to the fire with tea and some biscuits. Margaret tried to distract herself with some reading, but her thoughts kept going back and forth between Mr Thornton and his mother. Suddenly her brother came to mind and she gasped softly at the thought. _I must write and tell Frederick!_ Her thoughts were interrupted again, however, by Dixon entering the drawing room.

"_Higgins is here_", Dixon still made no attempt at hiding her lasting dislike for the Northerner. At hearing the name of the common workhand, Aunt Shaw sniffed. When Higgins appeared in the drawing room, Aunt Shaw followed Dixon out of the room, not even looking at the man. Margaret felt a pang of shame at the sight, but the kind face of her friend made it disappear.

"_Nicolas! What are you doing here?"_, Margaret gestured towards the chair closest to the fire, where Higgins sat himself next to her. Mrs Shaw would surely disagree with letting the man sit on the delicately upholstered chair, but Margaret could not care. She was happy to see somebody who she knew would wish her well with the factory master as her fiancé.

Higgins smiled stout-heartedly, "_There's rumour goin' round about you and Thornton. They say you hadn't left for London and that you are now to be married. Of course, I had to see for myself if it was true."_

Margaret laughed, "_It is true, although I did not know news spread so fast in Milton"_, she added teasingly.

"_Aye, secrets are not kept long here."_, Higgins rubbed his hands near the fire to get his blood flowing again. "_Although, I cannot say I'm surprised"_, he looked at Miss Hale with a cheeky grin.

"_Are you not?"_, Margaret looked a little surprised herself.

"_Master had a soft spot for ya, alright, whether he wanted to admit it or not_", Higgins gratefully accepted the cup of hot tea Margaret offered him.

"_Oh, I am glad to see you Nicolas"_, Margaret signed as she gave him a warm smile.

"_Is something the matter, Miss?"_, Nicolas had, with his usual quick understanding, realised there was more to her words.

"_Nobody seems to agree with this marriage, except the people who will actually be married.."_, she laughed sadly at her own comment. "_My aunt dislikes the north and the very idea of me settling here, and Mrs Thornton will never think me worthy.."_. Margaret cast her eyes down, fingering the fabric of her sleeve.

"_The old battleship? I'm sure she will like ya, Miss. It might have more to do with the cost of such a wedding."_, Higgins spoke kindly, hoping to lift her spirits.

"_The costs? Why would it?"_, Margaret did not intend to have an elaborate wedding; surely that could be avoided.

"_There's been word that some cotton buyers aren't paying and that the mill won't be able to pay its debt. We've been noticing thins, but Master hasn't spoken of it yet. We go on as long's there's work. No one knows how long it will last this time."_, Higgins grew grave.

"_I did not know.."_, Margaret felt worried. What did this mean?

"_I'm sure it'll pass soon enough"_, Higgins smiled at Miss Hale, "_Mary will be happy to hear your' stayin'"_, he knew he had to change the subject. Higgins had no intention of talking about the trouble at the mill, but in his attempt to cheer Miss Hale, he had mentioned it without thinking.

Margaret look up a little confused, but then she smiled again.

"_It'll do this town good to have you, Miss."_


	10. Chapter 10: Reasons

_Look Back At Me_

Part X

"_It'll do this town good to have you, Miss."_

Higgins' words resounded through Margaret's head after he had left. What had preceded them had scared her more. Was the mill in difficulty? Margaret had not spoken of business or the mill with Mr Thornton since he had stopped visiting her father and she felt a little embarrassed to mention it even now. She would have to ask Mr Thornton, whether he wished to talk about it or not.

The next day, after not much sleep, Margaret made her way towards Marlborough Mills. She heard the snow crunch beneath her leather boots. The weather had remained cold and fresh snow fell every hour. There was a lump in her throat and her lungs felt like they were constricted by her ribs, leaving her short of breath. But she was too stubborn to give into it and she forced herself to walk on. She passed Milton's streets with its small shops and cramped houses. Although there were no bright colours, large trees or familiar faces to soothe her, the bleakness and the feeling of abandonment that had accompanied her when she had first walked these streets, were gone. The dark shadows that came from the large clouds hovering above the town, were somewhat brightened by the reflection of the white snow. Margaret could not help but see a hint of irony in the weather: her own glooming thoughts were every now and then snowed under by hope.

Margaret did not notice the looks of amusement and surprise the factory workers gave her when she entered the gates of Marlborough Mills. All she saw was the black figure staring sternly at her from behind one of the windows in the great house. Margaret would recognise that stern face anywhere and it discouraged her now more than ever. Her feet took her up to the front step and with a shaking hand she knocked on the door. She heard rustling sounds before she was even done knocking.

Mr Thornton opened the door so quickly, Margaret was still standing with her hand up. He had been waiting for her in the hallway, desperate to have a moment with her before his mother would get to her. She looked a little puzzled when she saw him, but then her eyes softened and she gave him sweet smile.

"_Margaret.."_, he almost whispered her name as he let her in. Before Mr Thornton closed the door, he did see the grinning faces of the _hands_ out in the courtyard. Mr Thornton felt pride swell up inside him as he faced Miss Hale. His employees knew well what she was doing there and he had heard their gossiping remarks while walking through the cotton rooms. Surprisingly, they had been praising remarks, "_He's done well for 'emself with such a pretty one"_. Mr Thornton was certain that Higgins' opinion on the matter and Margaret involvement with these men were of great influence concerning this status, and he was grateful.

He and Margaret stood facing each other in the hall, neither of them wanting to move. "_I have promised my mother I would let you talk in private, so I shall return to the mill.."_, there was obvious reluctance in his voice. Mr Thornton stood a little helpless before Miss Hale, not quite sure what to do next.

Margaret saw his doubt, "_Do not worry, I have every intention of someday making your mother my ally"_, she smiled courageously. "_I am sure she can do me no more harm than I can do her, and come what may, I will face it."_.

"_I wish we could face it together.."_, Mr Thornton was still reluctant to leave, his eyes directed intensely at Miss Hale.

"_Oh, we will. Do not think it will be settled after today, John"_, Margaret said with a tone of teasing. She sighed heavily and forced herself to smile once more, faking ease.

Mr Thornton took her cold hand and kissed it, closing his eyes for a moment. He looked at her afterwards and gave her a small nod of encouragement. _I love you_. _How I love you_. He walked towards the door, but he did not let go of her hand until he was already outside. Mr Thornton give her hand one last squeeze and then he walked towards his office.

Margaret noticed a maid coming in to close the door. She was a young, pale looking girl with sleek, ebony-coloured hair and light eyes. "_Mistress is waiting for ya"_, she gestured Margaret with a skinny hand to follow her into the parlour. Mrs Thornton was still standing near the window, with her back towards Miss Hale. There was no doubt she had seen her son leave the house just a moment ago, and therefore she could guess he had talked with Margaret. The maid quickly closed the door behind them, glad to leave to room.

"_So.."_, Mrs Thornton turned around abruptly and looked at Miss Hale with discontent, "_you have come. I did not doubt your boldness, but I did think John might try to persuade you otherwise_". Mrs Thornton did not move or nor did she seem willing to offer Margaret a chair.

Margaret straightened her back, "_He did not_ _try, nor would I be so easily persuaded."_ She did not give Mrs Thornton time to insult her. Margaret was going to strike out before blame could be cast on her. This bulldog was only going to listen if it was bitten first: it had no sympathy for weakness. "_I know you think very little of me, but that you think your son so low as to keep me away out of fear, as if he did not trust me ór you, I do not understand. Mr Thornton is the most honourable and valiant man I know and I was under the impression you respected his judgement."_ She looked Mrs Thornton straight in the eyes, forcing the woman to acknowledge her words. Margaret folded her hands to hide a tremble she could not control.

"_I trust his judgement. I have the right to say I know him longest and I know what kind of a man he is, but a pretty face can blind even the strongest man from the truth."_, Mrs Thornton's words were harshly spoken in defence. There was some truth in this young woman's words and it bothered her.

Margaret ignored Mrs Thornton's last words, for she was not going to have a useless discussion about what Mrs Thornton could only describe as the silly fancies of love. They had wounded her, no matter how Margaret tried to overlook them. She decided to come to the point, however. "_You wished to speak to me, Mrs Thornton?"_, Margaret's tone was strong, but not unkind.

Mrs Thornton was silent for a moment, eyeing Miss Hale with a critical look, and then she offered her a chair and sat down herself. Margaret too sat down and waited for a response.

"_Yes, Miss Hale. I would like to know why you wish to marry my son."_, Mrs Thornton spoke slowly, her eyes almost burning through Margaret. Her jaw tightened, just as Margaret had seen John's do many times before.

It was an easy enough question, but Margaret predicted that the answer would not impress Mrs Thornton much. She had to explain herself fully, tell the truth and hope it would do.

"_I love your son."_, Margaret looked at Mrs Thornton with sincerity. "_I may not have had such a high opinion of him, as I do know now, when I first met him, but I have learned a great deal since then"_, she was silent for a moment, contemplating her next words. "_I honestly did not expect Mr Thornton to propose a second time.. I was sure he had no interest in me anymore and I could not blame him. My own feelings had changed however. I realised I had lost a life before I knew it was the life I wanted. When your son did propose again, I could not help but feel unworthy.."_

Margaret saw how Mrs Thornton was about to comment, so she continued with more confidence. "_I also felt grateful and happier than I had felt in a long time."_ The noises that came from the courtyard faded away._ "It became clear to me that I want nothing more than to make Mr Thornton happy and I believe it is in my power to do so."_ Mrs Thornton did not seem impressed. "_That is why I wish to marry your son"_, Margaret added while she was trying to control her nerves.

Mrs Thornton inhaled deeply, as if she needed all the air in her lungs to say what she wanted to say. "_And what about that man you were seen with at the station? Have you still no explanation for your reckless behaviour?"_


	11. Chapter 11: Defeat

_Look Back at Me_

Part XI

"_And what about that man you were seen with at the station? Have you still no explanation for your reckless behaviour?"_

Margaret had known Mrs Thornton would ask her this question sooner or later. The evening before, in her solitude, she had thought about the matter and whether she should tell Mrs Thornton the whole truth, as she had told John. Margaret still felt that her brother's reputation in the navy was something that should remain as much of a secret as possible, but she also believed that Mrs Thornton could be trusted with the information. It would excuse her behaviour and perhaps create a bond of intimacy with Mrs Thornton that could later be developed and made to grow into something good.

Miss Hale sighed softly, "_The man I was seen with at the station has no other ties to myself than that of a kindred kind. The man is my older brother, who is now currently living in Spain with his wife." _Margaret purposely cut her explanation short, for she wished to see Mrs Thornton's reaction before she would decide how to continue.

Mrs Thornton looked surprised to say the least, but she was not the kind of woman to be mastered by strong emotions and her usual composure quickly returned. "_Why would one withhold_ _such crucial information, Miss Hale?_"

"_The truth is that my brother found himself on the wrong side of the navy while acting in the name of justice. He ignored the command of his betters to protect an innocent man and he is pursued in England for disobeying of a naval captain. My brother, therefore, lives in Spain, where has made a comfortable life for himself. He came to visit my sick mother, in fear of his own life. That is why I could not elaborate on the matter and why my family had to keep his presence among us a secret.."_, Margaret had rehearsed her speech over and over in her head and she had realised that she had not given John nearly as an elaborate explanation as she done now, once more confirming how he must trust her words.

"_Does my son know of this?"_, Mrs Thornton did not seem to trust her words as much. The older woman felt doubtful about Miss Hale's explanation, but it also dawned on her that the explanation was too detailed and far-fetched to be simply made up.

"_Yes, Mr Thornton knows now that the man was my brother"_, Margaret heard the front door open and close again, followed by footsteps that seemed to disappear into one of the many rooms of the house.

"_And what did he think of the matter?"_, Mrs Thornton spoke as if she expected him to think very little of it.

"_I honestly do not know. We have not spoken about it much after I told him, but he seemed to understand the situation"_, Margaret spoke hastily. She chided herself for speaking too quickly, but she recovered herself by looking at Mrs Thornton with a kind expression.

Mrs Thornton was not amused and Miss Hale had clearly thought about her answers, which made it impossible for Mrs Thornton to think of her as a simple young woman.

"_Miss Hale, you say you wish to marry my son because you love him, but I know that you disliked him and disapproved of everything he stands for once."_ Mrs Thornton looked calm, but exterior can be deceiving. She observed Miss Hale expressionless while trying to speak with the authority that had made her both feared and respected by those around her. "_My son has faced many hardships in his life, and he is not weak"_, Mrs Thornton's jaw tightened again and the sound of her teeth grinding was like angst had come into existence to whirl around the room. "_I have never seen my son more miserable than after the moment you refused him."_ There was judgement in her voice. "_You acted as though you had an interest in him and he did what a gentleman ought to do, because that is what he is."_

Margaret felt like stone, the weight of her heart almost being too much to bear. Of course Mrs Thornton knew how John had felt over the past months: she was his mother and mothers know their children, their habits, joys and sorrows, and John's would have been like crystal glass to her.

"_Why would I believe you have changed your mind now, Miss Hale? When you have so abused my son's affections and treated them as if they were worthless?"_ There was bitterness in her voice. They were rhetorical questions, for Mrs Thornton had no intention of believing Miss Hale, no matter how convincing her arguments would be. "_You have made my son's life miserable and I would rather you end this game you are playing now, before you break him once more." _Mrs Thornton had lost her patience. The memory of John's pitiful state as if he had lost his purpose, made her furious, knowing that its cause was sitting opposite of her. John had carried on his usual way with an empty heart, and his figure had still been strong and tall, but is had lost some of its proud bearing. There had been no spark in his eyes for many days, but he had returned to his old self lately. What had caused it, Mrs Thornton did not know exactly, but she was determined to preserve his peace. Above all, Mrs Thornton felt ashamed to have to admit that her son could be so affected by a woman; that after all he had endured, his dignity and experience were not enough to protect him against the misery and hurt that accompanies rejection.

Margaret saw a wall of words against rise up from the ground around Mrs Thornton and she was unequipped to break it down with her good intentions alone. She had hoped before coming to Marlborough Mills this morning that Mrs Thornton might, in the least, be partially persuaded, but that had turned out to be but a fanciful dream. Margaret had shown Mrs Thornton she could bite back; now it was time to show the Mrs Thornton she could also admit her own faults, perhaps as a last desperate countermeasure.

"_You are right, I have treated Mr Thornton abominably. I will never deny that."_ Margaret did not look away from Mrs Thornton's condemning gaze, nor did her voice waver. "_Nor will I ever deny that I wish to marry for love and nothing more"_, Mrs Thornton eyes widened at the mention of this romantic notion. "_I cannot convince you of my honest intentions with words. You have formed your opinion of me long ago and it will not be changed easily, especially not by me."_

There was a silence that hung in the air like a ringing bell, almost deafening those creating it. The crackle of the fire and the vehement breathing of Mrs Thornton combined with the rustling of Miss Hale's crape dress to form the rhythm of an unspoken war. The muffled yells of factory workers brought Margaret back from the obscure dream-like state that the silence had propelled her into. Mrs Thornton had not taken her eyes of Miss Hale and her eyes spoke of her anger, but also of her fear.

"_Only time may convince you, Mrs Thornton. But consider this.."_, Margaret cleared her throat, as to emphasise the value of what she was going to say next. "_I have no family or friends left in Milton, they have all passed away or left. I have nothing to keep me here, no home, no security, no bright future. My aunt wishes me to come to London and live with her, where I will be again surrounded by family."_ Margaret sighed softly, letting her suffering pass her lips to disappear into the tepid air of the room. "_And yet I want nothing more than to stay.. Surely that means something."_

Mrs Thornton was silent. She would not be defeated, but the odds seemed in Miss Hale's favour today. But that was only today. Mrs Thornton had prepared herself for a silly young woman, who would pout and stamp her pretty little foot at the remarks she had thrown at Miss Hale, but Margaret's composure seemed resistant.

"_I thank you Miss Hale, for coming to visit me today"_, Mrs Thornton bit her words away while she stood up, suggesting the visit had come to an end.

Miss Hale followed her example and stood up too. The women stood facing each other for a moment, before Margaret thanked Mrs Thornton for receiving her. She prepared to leave when Mrs Thornton stopped her by coughing deliberately.

"_Do not think I approve of your marrying my son, Miss Hale"_, Mrs Thornton lifted her chin up to show her usual proud demeanour.

"_I do not expect you to, Mrs Thornton."_ Miss Hale gave Mrs Thornton a deferential nod and left the drawing room.


	12. Chapter 12: Comfort

_Look Back At Me_

Part XII

"_I do not expect you to, Mrs Thornton."_

After closing the door and finding herself once more in the sombre decorated hallway, Margaret's fingers searched for steadiness and clamped themselves on a prettily carved cabinet. The fingers on her other hand folded themselves around her waist, pushing against her stays. She felt her own touch but the body that was under the fabric did not seem her own. For a moment, Margaret had no control over her composure and a dizziness came crouching out from under the doorpost, as if it wished to spook her one last time. She shook it off and laid both her hands on her sides, her fingers a little tucked under the bodice. Margaret heard footstep behind her and prepared herself to be shown to the door, with her pride still intact, by one of the servants. This person was no servant girl, however.

"_Margaret.. will you come with me for a moment?"_ Mr Thornton spoke with extreme kindness in the hope of remedying any harm that might have been done in his absence. Miss Hale looked a little flustered, but she made no objection. She let herself be escorted out of the hallway, and Mr Thornton's hand was gently pushing against her back to guide her towards another room. Mr Thornton recognised the childlike obedience, it being the same as on the day she came to say her goodbyes with her aunt Shaw. It made him worried, fearing that his mother had spoken too harshly to her and left Miss Hale disheartened as a result.

Mr Thornton noticed that Miss Hale was still wearing her coat. She had not taken it off and only her dark-trimmed bonnet had been left in the hall. What had made her keep it on, John did not know: perhaps she was too much in thought to have realised it or perhaps she had thought Mrs Thornton would find it offensive to see that she had invited herself in to such a degree that she expected to stay for a while.

In truth, Margaret had been too nervous to notice she had walked in with her coat still on, the maid had been too cautious to ask Miss Hale if she wished to take her coat off in the current situation, and Mrs Thornton had been too cantankerous to do Miss Hale the kindness of saying anything of it.

Mr Thornton led her into the dining room. He knew it was not only highly unusual to show a guest into another room, especially when that guest was to be a wife in the near future, but that is was also highly inappropriate. However, for the sake of having a few moments alone, he damned society and led her into to safety of the dining room, preserved for elegant parties the Thorntons could no longer afford. He offered her a seat in one of the many recently refurbished chairs. The candelabras in the middle of the long table were veiled with white cloth to protect them from dust, banning any glitter of silver or previous luxury from sight. The room looked grim now compared to the evenings when it was fully lit to entertain guests of greater fortune than the Hales. Yet Mr Thornton remembered the evening Mr Hale had brought his daughter along to such a dining party, and Mr Thornton also remembered Miss Hale in her pale green evening dress showing more character and intellect than many of his other rich guests. He vividly remembered that he had felt a tinge of excitement seeing Miss Hale among his other guests at the table, and the idea that he wished her to take her place there as her wife. _How he wished she belonged there, as his wife, taking her rightful place at the table._ That his desires where to be shattered before his eyes later in time, Mr Thornton could not have guessed, nor the fact that this woman would return his desires even later and thus also return the idea that she would take her place among his guest at this very table. The sweet memory almost made Mr Thornton forget that the object of his desires was right before him. He seated himself in the chair to her right, moving the chair in a position so he could face her, taking her cold hands in his own.

"_Can you be missed at the Mill, Mr Thornton?"_, Margaret spoke as if she suddenly realised that he was also in the room. Her gaze was glassy and although her eyes were on Mr Thornton, they did not seem to truly see him.

"_For a short while, yes"_, Mr Thornton gave her a reassuring smile. He ignored the fact that she had addressed him by his full name, blaming it on her flustered state, but it pained him nonetheless. "_Are you alright?"_, his voice was suddenly lower, losing the positive tone it had just a moment ago.

"_Oh yes, I am quite alright."_ Miss Hale drew her shoulders back to give her posture a more confident appearance.

"_Are you truly?"_, Mr Thornton bent a little forward and attentively caressed her hands with his thumbs, hoping that the feeling would somehow enliven her. Miss Hale did not answer, but she fixed her gaze on their intertwining hands.

"_Has my mother been so cruel?"_, it was more a statement than a question.

"_No."_ Margaret sounded resolute, now looking up. "_She may have been fierce, but I cannot blame her for that. She wishes to protect you, and I would have done the same had I been in her position."_

Mr Thornton let out a short cynical laugh. "_I know she is aware you have not left.. that you must be with me, but she is too proud to search us out."_

"_John.."_, Margaret spoke softly, but the sound of his name was loud and clear to Mr Thornton. It relieved him and he obediently waited for her to continue.

"_Are we not all proud?"_, Margaret's tone was earnest. "_You are your mother's pride and joy in this life, and I want to make her understand that I do not wish to take that away from her, but that I want to share in that pride and joy.. I just do not know how"_, Margaret gave Mr Thornton a sad smile. "_I have no one to advise me on this.."_

"_You have me"_, Mr Thornton gave her hands a soft squeeze, his tone a little teasing.

Margaret looked smilingly at her fiancé, "_That I do"_. She withdrew her hands with a similar teasing expression, "_but it would not be fair to your mother if you choose me so easily over her"_, her tone turning serious. "_And you will not, John Thornton."_

Mr Thornton was about to make an objection, but Miss Hale stopped him with a single shake of her head. "_I know what it feels like to be alone in the world, and I do not wish that for her. I know you will stand by me, John, and therefore I will not fear if you support her when needed." _

Mr Thornton looked confounded. He had not imagined Miss Hale to feel sympathy for his mother, but he realised he had known very few women that where like Miss Hale or his mother for that matter. He knew her character, but she had the power to surprise him in a positive way, as she had done numerous time so far. Mr Thornton knew she would not stop to do so in the future, but it was a silent delight to him.

Miss Hale had to admit that Mrs Thornton's animosity had taken its toll on her own stamina. But the overall conversation had left a greater mark on her than Mrs Thornton's temper. Margaret had seen that all of Mrs Thornton's anger resulted from fear, and this was something Margaret was compassionate about. Fear could destroy a person's hopes and determination, as she had seen in so many people around her. Her mother, whose fear of never seeing her son almost broke her heart and weakened her. Her father, whose fear of being alone became too much. Boucher, whose fear of a hopeless future and disgrace made him desperate enough to take his own life. And she recognised it in herself, whose fear of being along had made her wild with nightmares and drowning in sorrow, until her greatest fear was diminished into nothingness and replaced by the comfort that is John Thornton.

"_You are too good.."_, Mr Thornton's voice sounded like he was revealing a secret; it was something that had been a truth to him for far longer, but for which he finally had the courage to share.

"_I hope not"_, Margaret said smiling. Mr Thornton took her chin between his right finger and thumb and moved in closer. He felt Miss Hale's hot breath on his face, but he lingered before touching her lips to silently bask a little longer in their intimacy. Then, he placed his lips on those of Margaret and closed his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13: Unexpected Visitor

Hi! I am so sorry this chapter took a little longer, but it was my birthday last week, so I was very busy. I hope you can all forgive me, and I hope you will enjoy the chapter!

_Look Back at Me_

Part XIII

He placed his lips on those of Margaret and closed his eyes.

The sweet memory of Miss Hale so close to him in the dim light was like a breath of fresh air that followed him through his day. Mr Thornton had unwillingly said goodbye to Miss Hale when the dining room clock announced the third hour of midday. He had walked with her till the gates of the mill, under the suspicious eyes of his _hands_ and the damning glare of his mother. His workers had kept their brash remarks for themselves, silenced by the respect they had for their master. The sight of the pair in black walking gravely along the courtyard did gave rise to expressions showing ill will from those who thought Miss Hale too conceited to be the wife of a honest man like Mr Thornton, and amusement from those who thought Mr Thornton had done well for himself with such a pretty young woman. Among these, was the content face of Higgins, who saw his master and the missus through a window of one of the cotton rooms.

Mr Thornton locked himself inside his small office in the mill. He heard the rhythmic noises of the machines, the orders yelled by the overseers, the walking back and forth on the cold stone floor, as he did almost every day. The four walls around him muffled the sounds, but they were ever constant. Mr Thornton had lived many years to adjust himself to the noises of the mill and he had learned to appreciate them; and even to be alarmed when the sounds were silenced. But the thought that there would soon be silence, not caused by strike, but by failure, made it almost unbearable for Mr Thornton to listen on. He stared at the paper in front of him, his elbows leaning heavily on his desk, his face resting on his hands. The letters on the paper danced before his eyes, but Mr Thornton knew what the words they formed said. He had read the words many times, he had gone over the figures again and again, but the loss and debt did not disappear.

There was a short knock on the door. Mr Thornton awoke from his miserable state and looked up to see one of his overseers make way for Mr Bell. Mr Thornton stood up in haste, greeted by Mr Bell's charisma.

"_Do not stand up for me, Mr Thornton_", Mr Bell raised his hand in a cordial manner, sitting down himself in the chair near Thornton's desk.

"_I did not expect you, Mr Bell.._", Mr Thornton spoke low and confused. Mr Bell took of his hat and placed it on the table between Mr Thornton and himself. He held his cane in front of him, playfully holding the knob between his hands.

"_Funny thing.. I went to London to visit my goddaughter, but I was informed she never arrived there."_ Mr Bell observed Mr Thornton with his head slightly tilted. He noticed Mr Thornton's jaw muscles tightened, but the man waited for him to finish, preparing to be blamed for the desires of his heart.

"_I heard she must still be in Milton, so I came here"_, Mr Bell crossed his legs. Mr Thornton had been standing all the while, unsure whether he should sit down himself. He now realised Mr Bell must have guessed the circumstances or had been informed by gossip. Mr Thornton sat down, his eyes focused on the paper in front of him. He inhaled deeply, folded the paper and prepared himself to talk about something closer to his heart.

Mr Thornton looked at Mr Bell emotionless, uncertain what to expect of his landlord, waiting for him to speak again.

Mr Bell cleared his throat, "_So you have finally come to your senses."_ Mr Thornton looked surprised, seeing a perceptive smile form on Mr Bell's face.

"_I do not understand.."_, Mr Thornton was interrupted by a chuckle.

"_I had hoped you would overcome your pride sooner, Mr Thornton, but I am glad you and my goddaughter realised that marriage is a better option for you both than separation." _There was sarcasm in Mr Bell's voice, which did not solve Mr Thornton's confusion. Mr Bell continued, amused that he had clearly astounded Mr Thornton, "_I am not an ignorant man, Mr Thornton."_

"_I know you are not"_, Mr Thornton regained himself. He sat back in his chair, facing Mr Bell fully.

"_And yet you are surprised, Mr Thornton. I thought a man such as you could not be easily surprised, but you have proven me wrong."_ Mr Bell could not hide a growing grin.

Finally Mr Thornton relaxed; Mr Bell had always been a mystery to him, but he knew him well enough to see the man was teasing now. Mr Thornton valued Mr Bell as a landlord and convenient acquaintance, but he did not much respect a man who could spent his life sedentary, making sport of mocking those around him with a deliberately great amount of sarcasm.

"_Have you seen Miss Hale yet?"_, Mr Thornton asked sincerely.

"_No, I have not. I am sure she will be as surprised to see me as you were"_, Mr Bell's voice rose in facetious laughter. A constrained smile appeared on Mr Thornton's face at the remark, as he was unsure whether to follow Mr Bell in his jest or remain serious.

"_No, I will go to see her this evening"_, Mr Bell became more genuine, his expression suddenly turning almost sad. "_I have not seen her since her father's passing. Tell me, how is she?"_

Mr Thornton answered as honestly as he could, "_Miss Hale is a strong woman, but I can see that it is hard on her.. How could it not.."_

Mr Bell nodded in agreement, but his severity did not last long. "_Well.. luckily she is no longer alone"_, Mr Bell smiled, his fingers tapping the knob of his cane while he looked straight at Mr Thornton, as if to make a point.

Mr Thornton inspected Mr Bell without showing the emotions that were making him almost mad with happiness and bitter with sorrow at the same time. "_Certainly, sir."_

"_Good, good!"_, Mr Bell's cheerfulness resounded through the small office as he stood up and prepared to leave. He offered Mr Thornton his hand, "_I ám very pleased, my good fellow.."_ Mr Thornton waited for more to come, but Mr Bell gave a firm hand and left.

"_Mr Bell?"_, Mr Thornton spoke loud to overrule the noises coming from the cotton machines. Mr Bell turned around and looked at Mr Thornton, his eyebrows raised in question.

"_Will you come to dinner tomorrow? With Miss Hale?"_, the last request was voiced with more force, to imply confidence.

"_I will be happy to, if it is not too much trouble"_, this time Mr Bell's smile was a sign of his scheming mind, which was busy making plans for an evening he was sure would be full of tender glances, silent discord, and good company.

When Mr Bell walked towards the gates of the mill, he saw a shadow move behind the curtains of the Thornton residence. He tipped his hat to glooming shadow figure of Mrs Thornton and gave it a radiant smile, to thwart its daunting presence.

His cane was swinging back and forth in accordance with his steps while Mr Bell passed Milton's streets. He thought about Mr Thornton and the prospect of having the man as a familiar acquaintance soon. Mr Bell had known Mr Thornton for some years; first as an eager, hard-working young man, later as a tenant and a respectable factory owner. He had understood instantly that John Thornton was not a man of greed, nor that he was driven by want of power, as some other men in Milton were known to be. Mr Thornton carried himself with pride, to be sure, but not arrogance, though some believed him to be so. Mr Bell knew certain people, especially ladies, that were not so keen on praising Mr Thornton after they met him in his full austerity, which he did not hide. When the ladies' amorous advances were reduced to nothing before their eyes, because Mr Thornton had not played along with their flirtatious games, they were quick to call him cold-hearted, boring and lacking in everything that makes a good husband. Mr Thornton did not seem to mind, until one day he found himself in unknown territory; where Mr Thornton himself was not the object of affection, but the victim or so-called sufferer of the emotion. Mr Bell had to admit he had not seen it immediately, but over time he became aware of Mr Thornton's growing interest in Margaret, although she did not seem to be aware of it. Mr Bell had also noticed the sudden change in Mr Thornton, and in Miss Hale. He had guessed the cause of it and saw a silent suffering on both sides. He smiled to himself as the recent outcome of events were just as he would want them to be, perhaps a little later than planned, but certainly good.

"_Mr Bell!"_, it was Margaret that opened the door for him, greeting him with a radiant smile.


End file.
